3 Crucial Online Marketing Skills No One Ever Talks About


Everyone seems to hate the topic, but we all also want know how to do it. (If we own an online business, that is!)

All the hesitation around marketing makes sense.

After all, marketing seems so hyper-analytical, calculating and downright unloving. At least, that’s what I thought when I had a career in corporate marketing. This was before I started my own business and learned 3 Crucial Marketing Skills that no one had ever talked to me about when I was a “professional marketer.”

These 3 skills radically changed my perspective and results. So much so that I’ve come to think that the marketing conversation ought not to be around marketing at all…

But around HEART-keting. (Or ❤️-keting if you prefer.)

Because that’s what it really is going to take:

Connecting with people with your whole heart… not just a brand or a facade. Listening deeply to the cries of their hearts. And partnering with them to take the steps toward their heart’s deepest desires.

Here’s the tricky thing though:

Most marketing never gets to the level of the heart because most of us as human beings aren’t able to be deeply, compassionately wide open (and still fully in our power).

Our hearts are full of wounds that keep us wanting to interacting from deep inside our walled-up tower of expertise and invulnerability.

When you take that kind of marketing out into the world… I can guarantee you from personal experience… all you will ever get is crickets.

Our business, then, is only ever a reflection of our emotional openness to receive more love (of which money is one form). When we put out post after post with no response, share memes, make videos, even have sales calls that get constant “no’s”… and feel perpetually disconnected…

The issue isn’t the “smartness” of our message.

The issue is resonance.

And resonance is only possible when you are fully authentic, deeply vulnerable, and also able to listen deeply to draw out others’ authentic desires, fears, hopes, and needs.

So how do you get past “marketing” to “heartketing” that vibrates so deeply with people, they know you’re the right one to help them and they are compelled to say “yes?”

That’s where the 3 Crucial Skills No One Ever Taught Me About Marketing come on.

I actually didn’t learn these from marketers, by the way.

I learned them from deeply compassionate, deeply open, deeply vulnerable human beings who had learned how to wear these traits — which are often seen as weakness — as a genuine strength in every arena of life. Only one of them was even in online business. (Shout out to Shawna Beckmann, the most fully human sales coach there ever was.)

Without further ado, here goes:

Crucial Skill #1: Emotional Intelligence

Emotional intelligence is being able to read people, sense their state of heart and mind, notice and interpret body language, and generally understand what’s going on beneath the surface. It’s all about identifying what deeply-felt human desire is more powerful than someone’s intellectually-known needs and goals.

Most of us aren’t born emotionally intelligent. We wander around, broadcasting messages, coming up with blog posts and sales copy straight out of our own heads, often never bothering to sit down with the human beings we’re trying to serve and deeply listen to what they have to say. (Not to mention use their ways of describing things in our sales copy.)

You learn to read people by spending a lot of time with people. And by doing your best to get out of your own head and truly understand theirs without judgment.

The most brilliant marketers I have known, such as Danielle LaPorte, are genius-level with emotional intelligence. Everything they say hits the zeitgeist… the emotional bulls-eye… because they constantly have their pulse on where people are at.

You don’t get that by being stuck your own pain, your own insecurities, and your own fears.

You get that by walking past all your “hang-ups” to focus on the other person.

Crucial Skill #2: Genuine Vulnerability

Vulnerability is a scary word.

But as the incomparable Brene Brown has taught us over the past few years, when properly wielded, it’s actually the greatest “weapon” we have to forge love, connection & belonging with anyone.

As Brown often points out… whenever we feel disconnected, isolated, and unable to get a response (hello, the typical day in online marketing, anyone?)… the issue is not the other people. It’s within our own hearts. Are we really willing to show up as our full selves? Or are we always holding back?

On any given day I hear comments from women entrepreneurs such as:

“I can’t say this or that [true, honest, brave] thing in front of the people in my social media.”

“I can’t let that part of my face or body be seen in pictures. What will people think?”

“I don’t want to share my life with anyone. I just want more sales.”

“I’m boring. Who would really care?”

I understand where they are coming from, but there’s not much I can do to help a woman who’s committed to those un-vulnerable, closed-off ways of relating.

What’s harder, sometimes, is to help them understand that these attitudes are the exact reason their message is scattered and not resonating. And also why people aren’t showing up in droves for the wisdom they do possess.

The more walls you try to put up to make sure you feel safe and don’t have to say anything courageous… especially online… the more you guarantee your own obsolescence. And isolation.

Crucial Skill #3: Good Neighborliness

I’m amazed sometimes at the behavior I observe online when I make a new friend. I send a “hello” message to her on direct message… and immediately I get back a barrage of links to her “stuff” she wants to push on me.

I’d be curious to know what these people’s sales figures are. My guess is, not high.

(The opposite is also true. If you make tons of friends but never invite or ask them to take the next step with you… well… you’re going to have the same type of sales figures!)

Being a great online marketer and saleswoman online means being genuinely interested in others before you make a micro-ask of them (such as downloading your free gift or joining your Facebook group). People will never forget the five minutes you took to chat with them and get to know them.

I’ve lost count of how many client relationships started out with these friendly, curious exchanges that led to interesting conversations.

Then I offered them my free gift or a link to my group. Then they saw my posts for awhile. Then I made an offer online (such as a free strategy call) and they signed up. Then they became a client.

Yes, it really truly is that simple.

It takes time. It takes intention. And it takes good friendship-building skills.

Relationships are currency. Deposit generously in the bank before you withdraw. But don’t forget to withdraw altogether, either.

Women often say to me, “I don’t want to have to make friends. I just want clients to show up!”

My dear, this is the kindest truth I can tell you to help you succeed:

If you are starting out in business and DON’T already have an active, engaged audience of thousands of prospective clients online, plus stellar funnels set up on your website that’s optimized for front-page visibility and tons of traffic…

Your first clients will be existing friends or friends you go out and make online….

Because friends are what you DO have to work with right now.

Ultimately, the question is not “Do you have a great product or service?” It’s “Do you have a product or service I care about, and do I feel connected to you?”

Perhaps that’s more of a woman way of doing business than a man way. And if so, it’s just fine.

But even the men I know love to do business with people they feel are good people who really “get” them, make a strong connection, and then overdeliver on what’s promised.

If you’re not willing to commit to reading people really really well, hesitant about fully showing up and don’t want to be vulnerable, and want to spam your brand-new friends with links to get them to do something for you…

Good luck. Have fun. But you might not want to launch an online business that uses social media to market yourself.

Marketing is so 20th century. People are savvy, and we’re all yearning for heart-based connection.

Heartketing will challenge you to the CORE. It will reveal all the areas you don’t love yourself, or treat yourself as God sees you. It will also show you where you are “hiding” and trying to get people look at you without seeing the real you.

In short, heartketing will probably be God’s way of bringing you into an entirely new level of love and belonging….

A state where you can deeply receive everything He desires to give you, including money.

Because money is a form of love. And making more of it requires an open heart.

Are you ready to become fully authentic… and reap the rewards?

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