I Thought I Knew What I Wanted, But Now I’m Not So Sure

Thought you had your “ah ha” light-between-the-clouds moment … but now it’s gone dark again?

When it comes to getting clear on the “desires of our hearts” which He has given us, God is gracious enough to take us on an exciting adventure of discovery. 

I’ve learned over the years that this process involves getting more and more and more clear about what we truly desire.

Sometimes this involves getting what we thought we wanted and finding that, in fact, we do not. Sometimes it involves getting sidetracked and discovering something far more exciting along the way. Sometimes it involves simply being faithful when nothing exciting is happening.

Regardless of where you find yourself in the process… understand this:

Lack of clarity is never a “problem” the way we tend to think it is.

It is actually a beautiful invitation to become more clear.

We tend to resist lack of clarity with statements or mental patterns such as, “I should be more clear by now.” “I can never figure out what I want.” “What’s wrong with me? Everyone else seems to be clear.” Etc. 

However, when we focus on the problem of “lack of clarity,” it distracts us from finding out what we do want.

What you focus on will always grow in your life.

Focusing on your lack of clarity, and punishing or shaming yourself for it internally, will always lead to more lack of clarity. 

Every minute you spend focusing on your lack of clarity is a minute you are not, in fact, discovering what you do want. 

Found yourself caught in this trap? Here are few ways to break out: 

1) Write down what you DO know you want. 

Usually when we become aware of our own lack of clarity in a certain area, everything in our lives suddenly looks unclear. We might have tried a business venture that we realized was totally not our “jam.” But because of the sudden flux in this area, we begin to rethink relationships, health and wellness practices, and everything else. 

This phenomenon is totally normal—and it’s also okay, as long as you don’t allow this sudden questioning process to untether you completely from your own convictions and confidence. 

Do you want a great, loving relationship with a commitment-minded man? Write that down. Do you want a thriving business that runs on your terms? Write that down. Do you want to love the skin you’re in and feel great in your body? Write that down. 

Keeping yourself grounded is critical, and the best way to do that is to write down what you do know that you want in life. These can be emotions you do want to feel regularly, practices you do want to engage in, goals you do want to achieve… anything solid, practical and knowable. 

Once you see the list, you’ll recognize that you really are more clear in many areas than you thought. You’ll also see clearly which areas you do need clarity so you can focus on those.

2) Cultivate an attitude of curiosity.

One of my favorite sayings that has guided my life is, “Turn fear into curiosity.” 

When we transmute all the feelings we don’t enjoy feeling (like fear) into ones that we do want to feel (like curiosity or a sense of adventure), we can often quickly get ourselves unstuck. 

Emotions like curiosity and fear are two sides of a coin. There’s a thin edge between them… so if you are on the side you don’t like… just flip it!

When you get curious about things you previously feared, you open yourself up to learn more about them and possibly have a totally different experience. Most of our fears are completely unfounded, but we don’t know that until we become curious about what else might happen in that same situation.

3) Get an outside eye on yourself.

Once you hit the point where you’ve examined your life from every angle, you might find yourself hitting a glass wall. That’s when it’s time to bring in someone else who can help you see the patterns in your own life you might not recognize because you’re too close. 

Bringing a group of close friends together to share their observations about you—what gets you happy and excited, what de-motivates you, etc.—can be really enlightening. Sometimes, though, this is not enough. 

As a coach, my gift and my role are to help you see yourself systematically, love the person God has made you to be, and acknowledge your God-given gifts and desires. This is a process we walk through together with time and intention!

Clarity is much closer than you think… but you’ve got to embrace where you’re at right now, however un-clear it feels, so you can find your way forward into focus.

If you’d like experience that process, and get some immediately clarity on your own journey and your next steps, schedule a free strategy session with me.

You can also leave feedback for me below or send me a private message here.

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