Jesus said … “When you continue to embrace all that I teach, you prove that you are my true followers. For if you embrace the truth, it will release more freedom into your lives.” – John 8:31-32
When it comes to our desires, we all have a head full of reasons why they can’t come to pass. But did you know that those repeating thought patterns might actually be keeping you from identifying and acting on opportunities to get the love, creative inspiration, flow of money or travel opportunities you as a woman really want?
Here are five of the most common mental blocks I’ve experienced in my own life. And that I see daily in the lives of my coaching clients. The good news is: when you recognize thoughts that perpetuate the blocks, you can begin deliberately replacing them with thoughts that confirm the truth.
And the truth … as John 8:32 says … will always release more freedom into your life!
MENTAL BLOCK #1: “I’m not good, pretty, smart, skinny, acceptable or worthy enough to have what I want.”
If you tell me you haven’t thought this before, ever, I’ll doubt you’re a living, breathing human woman. We’ve all been here at least a time or two. But if you’re like I was before I began to claim my desires and master the process of breakthrough … you live in a repeating cycle of this self-defeating thought.
When you continually see yourself as not worthy, you will naturally attracting people and situations that reaffirm this belief. Men who don’t treat you right. Jobs that underpay. Friends who bail when you need them. It’s all just a reflection of what’s going on inside you … until YOU decide to change things from the inside out.
Change begins with your thoughts, and flows outward into your actions which finally transform your emotions. And when that happens—watch out! Reality will reorder itself around you, without you having to arm-twist anything into place.
MENTAL BLOCK #2: “God couldn’t possible have given me such a scary, deep, throbbing desire inside.”
No, desiring something deeply isn’t sinful or wrong. Desiring something more than God is the problem. So if you’re experiencing the very natural well of emotion that comes along with a deep God-planted desire, you can lay down the wrestling now over whether or not it’s “okay.” Release those long nights you’ve spent trying to pin your desires to the ground, bury them deep and let them suffocate.
Denying a God-given desire will not assuage the pain of unfulfilled longings, and it is not God’s will for you. Only when you recognize that the root of your longing comes from God, and can only be fulfilled by coming to Him, will you find peace. When you decide to honor that desire within you as holy and worth pursuing, you begin to unlock the first door on your journey toward receiving it.
God is the author of emotion, and of healthy desire. He knows how you feel, why you feel, and what you truly want.
MENTAL BLOCK #3: “No one I know in my family or community of origin has ever gotten what they really want.”
This one feels super compelling on the surface, yes. Especially for those of us who grew up in dysfunctional family environments where lack, anger, dead-ends and struggle are the norm—and anything more positive is downright suspicious. It’s true that if you haven’t seen someone go through the process of getting their heart’s deepest desire … it will be hard for you to believe you can.
But it’s imperative you make this shift. And make it as fast as possible. No one else’s reality has to impact yours. Not even your parents’, or your closest friends’.
Can it feel isolating for awhile to separate yourself from the realities of others and begin walking a different path? Might you feel a bit lost for a time? Yes, and one of my roles as a coach is to support women as they begin to choose a different life than their family or community of origin believes they can have. But the isolation is temporary—and the rewards last forever.
MENTAL BLOCK #4: “If I get what I want, I’m just going to lose it again, and that’s only going to be more painful.”
This block is also very common—and it’s related to a deep-seated generational belief that “all good things must end.” (And usually, end in pain.) Think about how many movies you’ve seen, where a happy couple are suddenly ripped apart. Or real-life stories where someone surged to the heights of their dream, and then fell again just as quickly.
Those stories are perpetuated in our culture (really, any culture anywhere in the world!) for a reason. They’re designed to keep us “safe.” But safe here is usually also code for “small.”
Once you recognize that certain expectations of outcome are culturally fueled … you can change your expectations. Proverbs 23:7 says, “For as [s]he thinks within him[her]self, so is [s]he.” If you expect disaster, you’ll be more likely to invite it into your life. Life follows your thoughts, rather than your thoughts following life.
MENTAL BLOCK #5: “I’ve had ‘near misses’ with my desire several times… and I’m not sure my heart could survive another fail.”
This one really got me tripped up for awhile until I understood what was happening. You see, I used to interpret the “near misses” where I almost got what I wanted as negative events, senseless, pointless and full of suffering and pain.
But then I realized one day that God sees them differently. He sees them as our training ground for the big moment when the Real Thing finally shows up.
From God’s point of view, those “near misses” are opportunities for us to examine the state of our hearts, and recognize how ready, able and/or willing we were at the time to receive what we wanted. Within each of my Big Dream “near misses,” there was a lesson or a gift for me that helped me to be more ready for the real thing. This shift, if you choose to make it, will change how you feel about “failures,” and whether you’re able to bless those that hurt you rather than curse them.
Do you recognize your own thoughts in any of these mental blocks? If so, it’s time to begin the shift.
God wants you to stop accepting less than His desires, which He has placed inside you as your Big Dreams. In certain parts of the Bible, He actually became angry with His children for limiting Him, as a parent becomes angry with a child who continually rejects their love! And every time they did limit Him, they lost out on what He wanted to give them and got heartache.
”Again and again they limited God, preventing him from blessing them…” – Psalm 78:41
Any relationship, career, identity or experience you’re having right now that is bringing unbelievable heartache is usually the result of some place we’ve accepted the lie of Satan that “this is the best we could get.”
In order to get your biggest dream, you must be fully open to receiving everything God can give you.
Often, we’re not as open as we think we are. That was what God showed me about me.
The process of opening will force us to release everything we’re clinging onto so tightly. But you can’t receive anything if your head is already full of reasons why you can’t.
Let go of the lies so you can embrace the freedom of the truth!
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What are you feeling right now as you read this?
Struggling with overwhelming negative thoughts and need help? Learn more about my private coaching.
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